Do you have a person, or persons, who are no longer in your life (whether due to death or just distance) that you wish you had spent more time with or wish you had delved deeper into who they are and what they think of life?
I have several who are gone that I wish this about; and I have one in particular who is on my mind today. She is 'gone' while still here with us physically. My grandmother is coming into what I think you would call the final stages of Alzheimer's.
When I sit with her (can't say baby-sit, but that's almost what it's like) I find myself looking at her and wondering so many things. I wonder why I don't ever remember her talking about the long scar on her shin and how she go it. I wonder what it was like to raise 5 children on a pastor's salary. I wonder why she was never a 'hoarder' and why I didn't inherit her talent for purging things. I wonder what it was like to go thru WWII at home while her brothers were all off to war.
I wonder what her favorite food was, favorite song, favorite verse in the Bible, or any of her favorites. I do know her favorite color is purple. I also know that she didn't wear it for years because her husband is not a fan of purple. I wonder how she always had time to tuck me in or read me a story or say bed-time prayers with me. I wonder if she knew how much everyone truely loved her - and I wonder if she knows now.
I wonder if our theories about Alzheimer's are all wrong? What if that's not a blank stare we see? What if she realy knows what we are trying to communicate to her and she just can't acknowledge? What if she knows what SHE is trying to say, even though she no longer has the words to tell us? I am so thankful that I have had my lifetime to love her and that for just a while and in small ways I can take care of her the way she always cared for me.
